You can’t help who you are attracted to. Some men like Asian women. Some Asian women like white men. Some combinations of interracial couples are more common than others, but none come under fire more than white women who prefer black men.

This particular racial combination can be more inflammatory to bystanders than other racial combinations. White men, seeing that women of their coloring are going for black men, feel threatened, and wonder what is lacking about them. Black women may see it as white woman encroaching in on their territory. Can’t those white women stick with white men and leave “their” men alone? And really, what is the mystique around black men that white women are attracted to?

There are lots of rumors flying around. They include the following: Are black men more endowed below the belt? Are they better lovers in the bedroom? Are they more adventurous? Are they better at sports? Are they more likely to dote on white women than white men are, and more likely to be respectful to them and treat them like princesses?

The truth is that there are a large variety of reasons that white women prefer black men. And all these reasons are different. But regardless of the reason, white women can have it tough.

White women can be discriminated against. Their parents may disapprove of their daughter’s preference for black men. They want their daughters to be with someone white, a race that they are familiar with. They might be afraid that stereotypes of black men. They are worried that they are poor and from violent neighbourhoods, and that they are less educated, might be true. (Although they are usually not – it’s just a terrible stereotype.)

The friends of the white women might also talk about her behind her back. “So-and-so only dates black men,” they gossip. They wonder about her and chatter about her.

White men may also have something to say about white women dating black men. They might get defensive and angry, and wonder why black men are taking “their women” away. They make excuses that these women have dumped them in favor of dating black men, when really, their personalities are really lacking. Whether they believe it or not, they use the excuses as a crutch.

White women might also get the stink-eye from black women. They black women get angry. Remember in Sex and the City, when Samantha Jones dated a black man, and the black man’s sister, a chef, told her to stop dating him, and to stick with her own kind? This happens more than on TV. Whether or not they voice their displeasure, this situation does happen quite frequently.

The truth is, while dating outside of your race is easier than it was in the past, and people are becoming more accepting of interracial relationships, there will be parts of the world where it will never be completely accepted. But it’s your life, and life is short. You have to do what you want. They key is to never let people influence what you want to do.